Allegri changes surname to ‘Cornuto’
Juventus manager Massimiliano Allegri will be changing his surname to ‘Cornuto’ (known as fottuto) in the coming days.
The sudden change of name by the Juventus manager had been in the pipeline for a while but it was only made public today. During the press conference after the defeat by Juventus against Ajax, where the bianconeri lost 1-2 (aggregate 2-3), Allegri, now Cornuto, emphasised that the change had nothing to do with the lost game.
In comments to the press the Juventus manager stated “I happen to have a deceiving surname and I can tell you that it is not nice at all. With such a surname, it is pretty easy to get mocked, especially after losing a game.
My surname has been a plague all my life and after giving it several thought, I came to the conclusion that changing my surname was the way forward. After discussing it with my family and my current partner Ambra Angiolini, I started the process to get this done.”
It is understood that Allegri Cornuto fottuto has full family support. Earlier this week, the Juventus manager was seen by paparazzi walking his way to the Government department in Italy responsible of such matters. However at the time it this move was not understood. Many thought that a possibility was that he was in the process of adopting a new player from a third world country. From his end, he had kept his mouth sealed about the matter.
Whilst addressing the press a tearful Allegri continued “now, each time that we lose a game, my surname would be just right. If we win, I will still be happy even if my surname is changed. And if the press or supporters say ‘cornuto’, it could be directed towards anyone, and not just me. Take Cristiano Ronaldo after this game. He’s a big ‘cornuto’ because this is the first time since 2009-2010 that he will not be in the semi-finals of the Champions League.”
Just not to defy Ronaldo, the Juventus manager highlighted the fact that Ronaldo had scored his 126th Champions League goal and the 65th in the knockout stages, also giving Juventus a 28th-minute lead.
I came to the conclusion that changing my surname was the way forward. After discussing it with my family and my current partner Ambra Angiolini, I started the process to get this done.”
Shocked journalists at first did not know how to react to this news and all were bewildered. Fact remains that they had to do their job. One courageous journalist from an unknown media Loonynews raised his hand to ask Allegri a question, one which broke all the silence and commotion in the room.
“Mr. Allegri I know that the question might not sound appropriate at this time, but please understand that I had prepared the questions beforehand. I wished to ask you, do you feel like a huge cornuto for getting Ronaldo from Real Madrid for a deal of €100,000,000 and you are not even in the semi-finals of the Champions League?”
The awkward silence became more awkward for some long seconds, until journalists started cracking with laughter at the legitimate question.
In reaction to the question, a not so happy Allegri simply reaction by saying “changing my name was not such a good idea after all either. I cannot seem to get one thing right these days.”
After this loss with Ajax, the future of the Juventus manager within the club is unknown. Until the time of writing, it is still unknown whether he will go back to his old name ‘Allegri’ the sad.