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    What a goal for Petr Cech

    What happens when one of, if not the, best goalkeepers in football of all time decides to hang up the cleats after a storied career?  Can one simply settle back into a life of normalcy without the glitz and the glam when such bleak concepts have had more than enough time to fade from memory?

    Arsenal’s Petr Cech is more than willing to give it a try.  Having started his career in 1999, it wouldn’t take long for Petr to forever leave his mark on the world of football.  He’s won several Best Goalkeeper awards, not to mention not allowing a goal for 1,025 minutes during the 2004-2005 season.

    As for all great stories however, it is time for Petr’s to come to an end.  In January of this year he announced on social media that he would indeed be retiring at the end of the season.  Some may have said this, others said that as to why his retirement came, but now comes the official reasoning for the man’s stepping aside.

    No, it has nothing to do with the wear and tear of a professional athlete, or the collection of injuries suffered by the ‘keeper.

    Nope, Arsenal honcho is stepping away from the sport to pursue a second career in the local hospital in the delivery wing.  Funny as it may seem, it all sort of fell into his lap, or shot into his chest, one weekend.

    “I was in the hospital one weekend, doing one of those damn Make-A-Wish things,” Petr revealed in an exclusive interview, “when I heard these screams coming from down the hall.”  Petr said that he fought his way through several security guards, depending on an array of kicks to reach the screaming woman, who was giving birth.

    Petr said that he fought his way through several security guards, depending on an array of kicks to reach the screaming woman, who was giving birth.

    “I had just stepped into the room when this little baby came shooting at my face.  What else could I do?  I caught the thing and wrapped him up in the jersey I’d brought for the Make-A-Wish kid.”

    Petr would later go on to say that from the moment he laid that baby into the mother’s arms he knew what he was meant to do, and it has nothing to do with football.  “All of the accolades and fame and fortune don’t mean a thing when I’m staring down the barrel of a mother getting ready to shoot her baby out at me.”

    According to the mother of the child, the father filed for divorce when she refused to name the child after the goalkeeper who caught their little bundle of joy.  “He even told me that he hated himself for not looking more like Mr. Cech,” new mom Cynthia Slapper said through a wall of tears.

    Since that fateful weekend, Petr has agreed to a three-year/€120,000 contract with the local hospital as their official delivery man.  With the rise in unplanned and teen pregnancies however, Petr is already preparing for the future.

    “Oh yeah, I know some fellas that would love to catch round projectiles for a living!”